my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
