Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
