At least make sure they are 18
Why
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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