How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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