Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She tied me up with her honor cords...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
