ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
