I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
