I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
