I must be too annoying 4 u.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
