She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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