fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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