im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
