Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
