Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.