We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.