Even the bartender felt bad for me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
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It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?