All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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