Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
