I hate all girls vehemently.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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