sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize