There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
