dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
