Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
