What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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