People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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