some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
