i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
