I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
