Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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