sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
