Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
