I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
