i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
