I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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