remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is wine microwaveable?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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