i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I want her autograph on my taint
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
