Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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