Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
