My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
