OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
