if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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