I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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