farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
