I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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