and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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