We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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