K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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