Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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