The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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