I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
