The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
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That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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