Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
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YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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