Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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