you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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