I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
