It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
