Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
