I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
